There’s a saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” It’s the middle of July 2024, and I have three large paintings at various stages of completion in my studio. I planned to have two of them finished and uploaded onto my site by the end of August…cue God’s laugh track.
There was an exhibition in New York at the Metropolitan Museum of Art focusing on artists during the Harlem Renaissance that I wanted to see. While in NYC I contracted Hku1 Corona Virus from the Middle East which led to Rhabdomyolysis, a disease that causes the breakdown of muscle tissue that releases muscle fiber contents into the blood.
These substances are harmful to the kidneys and often cause kidney damage. When I returned home, I had blood in my urine and was rushed to the hospital. I was put in quarantine and was delirious for several days They biopsied the muscle tissue in my left thigh as well as my kidney. They didn’t know how to treat it. I floated in and out of consciousness and vaguely remember a port placed into my neck and side for emergency dialysis. The first thing I remember was a doctor telling me that my blood work was all wrong and that if they could not get it to acceptable levels, I would die.
I was laid up in the hospital for over a month and contracted sepsis, anemia, as well as pneumonia, and apparently, I had a minor stroke. Ultrasounds , CT scans, MRIs, and X-rays,Laying in the hospital bed, losing weight, losing interest in current events being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses, staring at a clock and the crucifix overhead in front of me, I meditated on mortality and eternity two things stalked me. After the overwhelming panic and realization that specific financial responsibilities to the benefit of my wife and children were considerably deficient and that I quickly needed to make repairs. The second fear was the possibility of not having enough life left in me to finish my artistic goals.
I am in PT now, trying to learn to walk again without getting dizzy and falling. I have 50% of the use of my kidneys, and so I am still on dialysis for the time being. However, I am not in complete renal failure; I am classified as “acute,” which means my kidneys could come back to full functionality provided I adhere to the strict renal diet that I’m on. I remain hopeful that before the end of this year, I will be able to quit dialysis.
Painting has become therapeutic in a new way, and my illness has provided clarity as far as plans to expose and market my work in the future.
Since dialysis tends to leave me feeling sick and weak, I have to be more conscious of time management and more focused when I’m not feeling ill and take advantage of time in my studio. Ultimately, there is always an angle to look at challenges that can enhance your work and push you forward. I have to say that I do believe that this illness was preordained because there are theological and relationship conversations that came about in and out of the hospital that would not have occurred otherwise; for that, I thank God. My needs have been met, and I am not afraid of what may come. Finally, there is only one conclusion that I can come to…it is better to be ill in the will of God than to be healthy outside of it.
Now, back to painting.
